Introducing.....GRACIE

Isn't she a cutie:)

We had just decided to wait until Spring, when we learned that the Humane Society had puppies. Dan and I visited with the pups. There were 6 in her litter. Gracie is by far the smallest and most submissive. I was able to watch the puppies eat, play,and then sleep. Gracie was the one who got stepped on, knocked over, and gave up her toys without much of a fight. They had given all the puppies G names. She was Grace, but we prefer Gracie. Her mother is a black lab, and her father is a rotti/mastiff mix. She isn't nearly as big as Sadie was,but check out those paws!

Thanks, everyone for your opinions. It was fun reading your responses. The only thing we HAD decided on was the puppy part. We rescued Kody as an adult, and he came with lots of issues. We are trying to implement some "Dog Whisperer" techniques, and have already seen some positive changes.

Looking for Opinions

We are thinking about adding a puppy to our family next spring or summer. We will probably go with a rescue puppy which will most likely be a mixed breed. If not, we will go with a lab or a golden. So,here is where I would like your opinion. Rescue or pure-bred and why? Lab or Golden retriever and why? What color lab? I've heard black are the smartest, then yellow, then chocolate. We kind of like chocolate. If it is a mixed breed, it will be a lab or golden mix. Is there a certain mix you would not recommend? Thanks. I can't wait to hear some responses.:)

Petition Sent

Yesterday morning, Meredith and I headed out with the adoption petition. First, we stopped at Dan's office where one of his co-workers notarized our signatures. Then, we girls set off for Augusta for an apostille. It always kills me to pay $10 plus the 1 hr. drive, for such an ordinary looking sticker. Someone should fancy it up a bit.:) A stop at Kinkos for copies was followed by a trip to the post office, and...the petition is on its way to South Carolina where it will be forwarded to Estonia.Hurray! One more step is completed.

The form itself was very simple and straight-forward. The problem was, that we had to put Little Man's official new name on it. We have spent hours talking about his name, and what we might call him. His name looks easy, but in Estonian, it is completely different from the way we would pronounce it here. Just becoming American will change his name. So, if we are going to change his name anyway, shouldn't we pick something we both like? Should we just Americanize Andres and make it Andrew? We might have done that, but he cannot yet make an "r" sound. He may never be able to say Crawford clearly. We want him to have a name he can say! So we started trying out names. Nothing seems to fit except...

Andres- they say AHN-drehs, almost sounds like UN dress with a rolled "r"
Americans say Ahn-drace
Andreas-they say AHN-dray-us the dray-us is very quick, almost dray-ss
Americans say Ahn-DRAY-us


So, if we went with Andres, it would much closer to the name he knows as his. But....his given name is Andreas.It is written on all of his clothing and labels in his orphanage. He most likely recognizes it as his name. So, we finally decided to keep it. It just doesn't seem right to us to change the name of a 10-yr.-old boy. Please do not get me wrong. I have NO PROBLEM with other people changing the name of their adopted child.

As far as we know, he doesn't have a middle name. I am still hopeful that it will show up on another document if he was given one. His last name is another tricky one with different possibilities. The Estonian pronunciation is very like a common first name, so we are using it as his middle name. So, all that work for nothing.:) The only change we made was to add Crawford on the end.

The plan is to call him AHN-dray-s, and spell it Andreas until we come up with a good nickname. Oh, yeah, I call him Little Man because the name comes from the Greek, andros which means man. I'm such a Geek about languages. If I ever get rich, I'll be off to Europe to study.

Good News

We just received our petition to adopt form!!!!!! We were told the other documents have been completed and are being translated. We should have them soon,and then we can file our I-800. I'm feeling sort of stunned, but in a good way.:)Wow, I'm so excited!

Boy, do I feel foolish!

This week I have been thinking about the adoption, ALOT! Since it is not helpful to think about waiting, I have been reviewing the steps we have taken. It still gives me butterflies to remember that evening in February 2008, when I first saw Andres in the red baseball cap. I didn't sleep all night, but I sure did pray! I prayed with thanksgiving and joy and excitement, and complete faith and assurance that,"he's the one". Since then, there have been many ups and downs. We have faced financial difficulties, health concerns, doubts and fears. We have faced negativity from family and friends.

I cannot explain the "knowing" or the "rightness" of this. It was not an emotional, "oh I so WANT this". It was exactly like the "knowing" I experienced with pregnancy. Suddenly a light turned on in my brain, and I KNEW. That was followed by the most incredible emotional high. Pure joy! With each pregnancy, I experienced this. The night I saw that picture, I experienced it, too. This time, however, it was even more intense. This was a dream come true! For 20 years I had a longing, a feeling of responsibility, an urgency to adopt. It was never the right time, but those feelings were always there. It is so hard to explain what I believe has been a calling on my life. Many people are ready to dismiss it as emotion, and wanting. It is more than that. That night, My Father spoke to me, "this is the one". It was the same voice that 22 years ago said, "My Precious daughter, You have returned. You are forgiven." The same voice told me, "Go" to Haiti. He told me, "he's the one", when I met Dan. I don't often hear His voice that clearly. More often He gives me pictures, examples, stories. I believe these to be true.

My emotional high did not last very long. God didn't give this passion, this vision, this calling to Dan. My faithful friends and family very quickly pointed out, that God does not divide, so I must be wrong. I was being carried away by emotion and trying to manipulate Dan into doing what I want. Wow, that really hurt! When I look at myself, I can understand why people would think that about me. I cried, alot. I prayed and prayed. Is it really just me trying to have my way? I have been guilty of this very sin many times. This time, I do not believe it is about me. It is about Andreas. I cannot make people understand, and I do not need to try to change their minds. My faith has not wavered. They will see, and take it how they will.

This is the part I feel so foolish about. The money. We do not have the money for an international adoption. We have NEVER had the money to do this. As far as I can see, we never will have this kind of money. BUT...I told Dan that very first night that I couldn't explain and I couldn't say how, but that if we were faithful, it would happen. I started praying, my friends started praying. Money started to roll in. Within 2 weeks Andreas had $3,500, then $10,000, and finally $14,000!! Dan, began to believe that we should do this. We commited to Reece's Rainbow and began the process of adopting Andreas.

Anyone who has prayed earnestly for a miracle of this kind can understand the overwhelming joy that goes along with answered prayer. I was, and still have been,so focused on how AMAZING our God is to provide for us, that I never stopped to think about the people He used. I finally stopped to think about Andrea Roberts at Reece's Rainbow. She was advocating for Andreas. I can't even imagine how much time and effort she put into finding the money for us!! Then, I didn't even give her any credit. She works so hard finding these children, advocating for them, raising awareness and raising funds. Please,if you haven't yet, check out www.reecesrainbow.org just to see what one woman's passion can do.

When Andrea emailed to let me know that an anonymous donor had just given $14,000 for Andreas'adoption, I just sat there sobbing. I was completely overwhelmed! Who? Who would do this for him? for us? Who has that kind of money? How can we ever repay them? Why? Why would someone make that kind of sacrifice? She asked if the family could have permission to contact us. Of course we gave it! The family never did contact us. I went back to sharing how God provided for us, and forgot that He did it through real, flesh and blood people.

When we visited Andreas in February, I contacted Andrea first. She again asked if our sponsor family could contact us. I was so excited to think that we would find out who had given so generously. Again, the family did not contact us. This time I was a little disappointed, but I believe we will find out when the time is right. Now, while we wait, I often wonder about this incredible, anonymous family who have given us such a wonderful gift. Are they getting impatient too? It must be hard for them to watch this drag on and on. They are probably sick of hearing me complain.....

For now, I just want to say, "Thank you". That doesn't even come close to expressing the gratitude I feel. I hope to eventually know who you are. I want very much to keep you updated with photos of Andreas. You will be the first to know all the "firsts" he will experience once he gets a taste of life outside an institution. Thank you again and again!!!!!!!

The Return of the Sun

For the third day in a row, I woke up to sunshine! Nothing can cheer me up so well as a gorgeous, sunny day. We spent last evening at the Hartleys, enjoying a cookout and fireworks. We all had a great time.

Over the last few days I have been catching up on adoption blogs. For a while, they were just depressing me. All of the families I was reading about are finishing up their adoptions and bringing their kids home. Most of them started after us. I stopped reading for a while because it just made me feel worse. Thankfully, I have finally managed to stop feeling sorry for myself!:) I am once again truly happy for the families who are at the end of the waiting phase. It is such a blessing to watch these scared, often scrawny and sickly looking children transform into smiling, chunky, healthy family members. Seeing these former orphans playing with siblings or cuddled up in Daddy's lap is what it is all about.

I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father was willing to pay the price to make me His daughter. I didn't even believe He was there, but that didn't stop Him from making me His own, special daughter. I don't deserve His love and care, but no matter how badly I behave, I can't drive Him away. Isn't He amazing?

Adoption is such a wonderful way to learn about love, acceptance, and trust. Grafting Andreas into our family will be a whole new learning experience. It is somewhat scary to realize that the "end" of this process is really the beginning. Many families never see the "happily ever after". Come what may, we are in this for the long haul. Someday, this waiting phase will be a memory.

I'm sad today

Maybe it's the rain.:( Yesterday, I had to bring Kody to the vet. As soon as I walked through the door, I started crying. I miss Sadie so much!!! I miss her great big, solid body that I could wrap my arms around when I was sad. I miss her velvety soft black ears. I miss her sweet way of squinting her eyes at us, her huge head leaning into my leg, and the thumping of her tail. Of course, I don't miss her slobber, her barking, or the enormous holes she liked to dig in the yard. I especially don't miss the "mountains" she left all over the yard for me to clean up, but it surprises me how much I just miss her presence.

I'm also sad about my job. I miss my co-workers. It really bugs me that I didn't get to finish the project I was working on. I'm a geek about things like that. Mostly, I feel horrible that my patients won't know that I didn't leave on purpose. I feel like I deserted them. Isn't that stupid? I am also afraid that they will think I was fired because I am not a good hygienist or that I did something wrong. It is a horrible feeling!

Yesterday, I walked past a little boy with a bad case of chapped lips. I felt like someone hit me in the stomach. It made me miss Andreas so bad it hurt! Chapped lips. Isn't that pathetic. See, Andreas has constantly chapped skin around his mouth and his lips have craters in them. Just 2 days with us and a tube of Chapstick did wonders. No one is putting Chapstick on his mouth, and it drives me crazy because it is such a little thing that could make him so much more comfortable. Having no control over this process is hard, but it isn't the part that bothers me. What bothers me is that I have commited heart and soul to this little boy,Andreas,my son-and I can't be his mother. I just want to be with him and take care of him!

Thankfully, I know that this sadness will pass. The rest of the day is going to be busy and fun. Tomorrow we are heading to the Kellys and that is always a wonderful trip. I am so thankful for Dan and the 4 amazing children I have here with me. They are great at distracting me when I start feeling sorry for myself.