Good Weekend

Friday night, Garrett and Meredith had their last swim meet of the year. They both had fun, and Dan took his turn as cheering parent and timer. They were all pleasantly exhausted when they got home.

Yesterday, most of the Crawford crew auditioned for Charlotte's Web. Dan is doing a small role and assistant directing the show.:) Garrett got the part of Lurvy, the hired hand who helps out at the Zuckerman's farm. His part is bigger in the play than in the book. We are so excited and happy that he got a good sized role again. It has been a while since he got more than a bit part. Yay, Garrett!!

Meredith got the part of the Lamb. She has quite a few lines, and has to transform from a mean young lamb into a tender-hearted yearling. It is the only part in the show for a girl her age, so the competition was tough. We are thrilled!

Gavin auditioned very well. He was given a small part as a fairgoer. He was also asked to understudy the part of Avery, Fern's brother. He was a little disappointed at first, but is happy to have a part.

Connor did not audition because his school play is coming up in March. He will be helping out as needed and may be assistant stage manager.

Andreas sat quietly and watched 3 hours of auditions!! I kept thinking we would have to leave, but he was perfectly content to stay. So, depending on how he does, I might get to be involved in the show. I am hoping to help with sets and props. I love making things and painting.:) Andreas loves to clap, so he will make a perfect audience.:) I love having the opportunity to work together as a family. This is our 4th show together, and it has been such a blessing. It is also a great chance for Andreas to get comfortable with a group of people and a different environment. The theater is actually a gorgeous church sanctuary. It is very peaceful there. The group of people we will be working with are wonderful, too! Many of them are old friends.

Today, we left early for church. We managed to sneak A through a side door at the front so that we were seated near Dan, and near a door. Andreas didn't notice all the people because they were behind us. He was so well-behaved for his first time in church! He certainly made a joyful sound to the Lord this morning. He sang right out on all the hymns. He did call out to Dad, who was leading worship, once or twice. Andreas loves to say, amen. As soon as he realizes someone is praying he starts repeating, "amen". He got in his share of amens this morning.:)

Andreas has also appointed himself, chief doorman at the church. He runs from door to door opening and closing them for the people coming and going. Everyone has been so accepting and gracious to him. Of course, how could anyone not smile at my sweet, smiling boy.:) The rest of the day was quiet. We took naps, ate delicious pot roast and relaxed together. Ahh!

Now I better crash. It was nice, but I am wiped out!

5 Fun Facts for Andreas Fans with photos!

Andreas
1. sleeps like a pretzel-on his back, with crossed legs resting on his chest and shoulders
























2.will DANCE for soup!

3. greets everyone with shouts of, "Tere Hommikust!"(good morning) ANY time he is happy.

4.can carry a tune and clap in rhythm-once he learns the song

5. This one you will have to see.... if you pick him up from behind, under his arms, he will throw his legs straight up in the air until they rest on his shoulders in a giant V. Of course, this was a re-enactment,and not nearly as funny.

For some reason, boys seem to have this thing about picking up other boys to show how strong they are maybe? I don't know, but boy, was Connor surprised when he picked up A and found himself holding a giant v-shaped bundle.:)

A Word on the Sad Post

I wrote that post the other day because it happened, and it was hard. I am trying to be honest and open about our adoption story. I am not "struggling" or depressed. My expectations are not too high. In fact, we planned for much worse. What happened did not take me by surprise. I was taken by surprise at the intensity of my feelings, even when I was prepared for it!

On the flipside, the "happy" posts are just as true. I am not trying to gloss things over and make it look like our life is a fairy tale. There is much joy, singing, dancing and pure silliness in this home. Forgive me if I don't show the bickering, yelling and ridiculous arguments that also occur daily. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, and they aren't much fun to watch. We are all very human here.

Bottom line- I will try to post what I think might be interesting, fun or helpful. I also plan to talk about the tough times. Writing about difficulties helps me to see it differently. Usually, someone has just the right comment to help as well.

Back to Work

I went back to work today. Boy am I tired! Andreas went back to school today, and had another relapse. I am NOT sending him for the rest of this week. I may not send him next week either.

Mr. V called at 11-ish to say that A wouldn't eat snack and looked like he wasn't feeling well. They had gone to swim lessons, and A was not impressed. He was terrified and needed lots of help. When they got back to school, he shut down. They had him lay down and he fell asleep, and slept until 1:00 when the bus came to pick him up. When he got home, he refused lunch and went back to bed. He slept all afternoon! He was fine last night and this morning. I can't wait until I can tell if he is sick or not. It is so frustrating. Of course I wouldn't send him if I thought he was sick!!! He was dancing and singing all evening.

Three good things about today.
1. Meredith was amazing with Andreas.
2. I like my job.
3. My kids are so fun!

The Truth Is...

it's hard sometimes.:(

Andreas is feeling much better today. He has started going again, and only has occasional cramps as far as I can tell. We kept him home for 1 more day. I'm glad,too, because yesterday afternoon, his lips broke out in blisters. Today, they are crusty red sores that look horrible! I am sure they hurt him, too. Poor little guy!

After lunch, he sat in my lap and asked to look at the laptop. He LOVES watching the videos of himself. I accidentally clicked on the orphanage pictures. Wow was A happy!! I mean OVERJOYED!! He danced around the kitchen and babbled on in Eesti. I was laughing and delighting in his joy. It would be impossible not to be happy for someone as happy as Andreas was at that moment. He asked me a question and I just nodded and said, "yeah". He squealed and ran for his boots shouting, "Mami and Andreas are going HOME to the orphanage!" The bubble of joy in my heart deflated like a balloon. Had he asked me to take him home? How did I miss it?

Feeling like the most horrible person in the world, I had to tell him that I was not taking him home to the orphanage. He stood in front of his reflection in the microwave and told himself, "no". Then he would look at me and smile and ask me again if I would take him to the orphanage. I had to keep saying, "no". When he stopped asking me, it was even worse. He would look at his reflection and ask himself. Then he would frown and sternly say,"no, ei". I felt so sad for him.

Then, I will admit it even if I get grief for it, I started to feel sorry for myself. I felt rejected. I felt like a failure. I have been trying so hard, and still I'm not good enough? Then I caught myself. I KNEW this would happen. I tried to prepare myself for it, but it still caught me off guard. It still hurts to feel second-best.

Anyway, I was prepared for it. Andreas IS what this is all about. He is the one who has lost everything he knows and LOVES. Thank the Lord, that he knows how to love and be loved. Help me, Lord, to allow him to grieve without letting my own feelings get in the way! Help his heart to heal so that he can truly love us. Help us to love him in such a way that he learns of You and KNOWS Your love for him.
Help me to be tough when it hurts, and not to take it to heart. You have been, are, and will be faithful. Amen.

Improving

Getting some love & attention from Dad.









Looking handsome in his Eesti sweater.








Andreas loves "Sister". He won't even make an attempt at saying Meredith, so we settled on Sister.




Andreas is feeling better overall. He still has bouts of abdominal pain because things are still backed up. His discomfort seems to be less and less frequent. Thanks for praying.

Update

Andreas has had a much better day, today. He has had no fever and less coughing. He does still have a runny/stuffy nose and that glazed look in his eyes. His appetite is back,too. We have been pushing fluids and he is taking Miralax. Thank you for all the suggestions. They will be helpful as we try to prevent this from happening again.

He is still quite miserable with bouts of abdominal pain. He cried again today at naptime when Shyla jumped on him. The boys are staying away because it is awful to watch. Dan, Meredith and I are taking turns trying to comfort him. He whimpers and says, "help me, please". It is heartbreaking!

Right now, he is feeling better again, and is playing a game he made up. He doesn't really play with toys much. He loves to make up his own games with empty bottles or these 3 plastic rings he found. He also plays ball on the stairs. He throws the ball up, and it bounces back down to him. That way, he doesn't have to find a willing partner.:)He is great at entertaining himself. Now that we are home, he hardly watches tv which is fine by me. I hate tv!

Wow, was I wrong!

Andreas is NOT better. He is COMPLETELY MISERABLE!! He got up this morning looking and acting great! He was so excited when the bus pulled up that he did his happy dance.:)Then he climbed up the stairs all by himself. He couldn't wait to get to school.

At 12:00, I got a call from Dan who had just run home for lunch. Mr. V had called from school saying A was not doing well. Dan brought home a very sick little boy.:( We came in the house and he wrapped his arms around me and CRIED. You know he doesn't cry! He was burning up and coughing and gagging. He begged to go to bed so I brought him upstairs. He insisted on getting undressed and climbed into bed half-dressed. Andreas only goes to bed in PJ's. He never 1/2 does anything. He was shaking all over, like from a high fever. The worst part was that he was obviously in severe abdominal pain. He kept bending over and pushing on his belly. Poor baby!

So, while I tried to comfort him, Dan called the doctor. We were told to bring him right over. He did NOT want to get out of bed and get dressed, but we finally got him in the car. He was even less impressed when we arrived at the doctor's office. Dr.S saw him right away, and ordered x-rays to check for pnuemonia and constipation. A wrestling match and 2 sleepy hours later, we learned that he was positive for both. Now, we begin the process of getting this poor boy comfortable again. Once we do, I intend to keep him that way! Even though I tried to give him a high fiber diet, it wasn't enough. I didn't want to put him on extra until I asked the doctor. Now we know for sure that he will need to supplement. The doc believes the pneumonia is viral, so no antibiotics for now. Little man is sleeping, and will hopefully be feeling better soon. As always, we would appreciate your prayers.

Andreas is Feeling Much Better

Andreas slept in this morning. Just as I was about to leave to pick up Connor, he came running down the stairs with his usual, "Tere hommikust!" He looked great, had no fever, and was coughing much less. I had already made an appointment with the doctor, so we went anyway.

Dr. S had planned a full physical, not just a sick visit. I didn't know that, so I didn't bring our records or my list of questions. The visit went well. Andreas was able to calm down and cooperate pretty well. Dr. S was very slow, and patient with him. Both Dan and I like him. His overall philosophy is consistent with ours. He gave us several referrals. A will be seeing the endocrinologist-for thyroid management, the cardiologist-for a echo and thorough eval., and the eye doctor. His biggest concern is sleep apnea. I was embarassed to admit that I haven't checked to see how A was breathing while sleeping. The few times I have checked on him, he has been breathing quietly and deeply. I need to monitor A's sleep this weekend.

Sick Boy

Andreas started coughing yesterday. It sounded like an asthma cough which made me nervous because we don't have meds. for him yet. Today, he got up from his nap with a nasty stuffed-up nose and a low-grade fever. We were told he has asthma. Please pray that he doesn't have a flare up. He has a history of frequent bouts of pneumonia. Also, pray that the doctor is able to find out if something is hurting him. He keeps making the face he makes when he is hurting or frustrated and I know something is bothering him! I can't stand it when he is miserable and I don't know how to help. Pray please!

First Day of School, part 2

These pictures are actually from today. I didn't want to take pictures of A when he was scared. This morning he was very relaxed as he made his way down the drive.








And here is the classic "waiting for the bus" picture :)







This pic has nothing to do with the post, but I just had to post it. Isn't Gavin handsome in the Estonian sweater? I want to make him one in (gasp)synthetic yarn. The wool is hot and itchy(according to Gavin). I am not a purist if it means the kids will actually wear what I take the time to make.






So, back to today's post....




Andreas got home around 1:15. He was tired and HUNGRY! His teacher sends the kids home with a folder with running notes from the day. According to Mr. V, A had a good day. He said he picks up things quickly and believes A will do well in his class.:)On the down side, A would not use the bathroom, and didn't eat much lunch. Hopefully he feels more comfortable today.

This morning, he was ready for the big bus. In fact, he was excited! He slowed a bit on the stairs which really are steep for him. Then he went straight to his seat with no problem.:)

First Day of School, part 1

There will have to be a part 2 because Andreas won't be home for a few hours yet. My stomach has been in knots all morning. This is really my first experience at sending my "baby" off to school for the first time. He was SOOO scared of the schoolbus this morning. He was not expecting that big, yellow bus. He usually goes to school in a van. I had to pry his hands off the rails and almost carry him up the stairs. There was a nice lady waiting for him at the top, and 2 of his classmates were already there, too.

I just called and spoke to the special ed. director at the school. She had just checked on him. She said he walked into the classroom, put away his stuff and sat down at his table with the others. The district special ed. director also stopped in to check on him, and said he was doing "exactly what he was supposed to be doing". So, they tell me he is fine and participating in everything. Okay, deep breath...now maybe I can get something done with the other kids before he gets home.:)

Busted

Meet the newest SpongeBob fan. Today, Andreas watched SpongeBob with the kids for the first time. I was hoping he wouldn't LOVE it like they do. At the same time, my wonderful friend, Carol was shopping for new pj's for Little Man. Look what she picked out. He took one look, and begged to wear them to bed for naptime. Looks like I've lost another one to the little yellow sponge in the brown pants.

What I wish you could have seen and heard was the joy in his voice as he ran down the hall after naptime shouting, "Tere! Tere! Tere!". It was the first time we have heard it since leaving our apartment in Estonia. He is such a ham,too. Look at the pose he struck when he saw the camera.:) It is wonderful to see him so happy again!!

Progress

Look who is sharing his space with Shyla!:) She is only about 2 feet away from him. He wasn't even looking at her until I snapped the picture. Isn't he handsome in his Sunday clothes.






All 5 Crawford kids. I am such a blessed Mom.

Dinner with the Crawfords

Dinner here is always a crazy experience. The kids always get LOUD, and there is usually lots of laughter. We have a rule of NO SINGING AT THE TABLE. At our house, if it isn't singing it's quoting Monty Python, Shakespeare, Harry Potter, etc. Tonight, Andreas began to talk about Connor's band/chorus concert that we went to on Wednesday. Garrett decided to sing one of the songs from the concert. Andreas LOVES to sing(a true Estonian). He cannot hear singing without joining in. I hope you enjoy the serenade as much as we did.:) The food was great,too-yummy shepherd's pie.:)

The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Silly

There really is very little bad to report. Andreas is adapting very well. The kids are doing their best as well. Please continue to pray for us, though. It is hard for everyone. I have been trying to balance my time and energy with all the kids. That has always been tricky. We have tried to give them each opportunities to get out alone with one of us. We are also trying to get A out of the house everyday. It is a nice break for him, and the other kids like having the house to themselves for a bit.

Andreas has some down times. He is doing much better with the dogs, but when he is tired or upset, he just can't deal with them. I can't imagine being expected to overcome a lifelong fear in such a short time. He has moments of frustration and moments of homesickness. He just shuts down, or can't tolerate anything. It is hard to watch. The hardest part is that he was taught NOT to cry. He tries so hard to keep himself from crying. He had one of those moments just before lunch. He and Dan had just come back from the store, and the puppy jumped on him. He was ok with her before they left, but it was too much for him then. I had to drop what I was doing, and I held and rocked him for a while. He was calm, but vacant, so we sat on the couch and read a couple of fun, noisy books to him. By lunchtime he was interacting again. Connor was really watching and helped out so much with getting him to talk and play. He is such a great kid! A had a big lunch, got silly and playful, then headed to bed. He did tell me on his way upstairs that Veronika was coming to get him later. Poor little guy!

Yesterday, we visited his new school. We absolutely LOVE his teacher!!! He had looked up a few Estonian words and taught the other students.:) When we came in, they all said, "Tere". Mr. V had a big sign saying, "Welcome Andreas"(Tervitus!) Andreas recognized his name on the chalkboard.:) They were just starting "song time", and A joined them. He took his turn choosing a song which was very difficult for him because he doesn't know how to make choices. He picked a good one with lots of movements. The whole class sang and danced. When the song was over, everyone clapped, and Andreas(being a Crawford) took a BIG bow.:) It was so funny! We stayed for an hour or so, and he was ready to leave. He was a bit unsure of the bathroom because it had a different kind of toilet seat than he is used to. He also thought the crayons looked pretty tasty.

He is going to start school on Tuesday. The plan is for him to attend from 8:30-1:00. That way he can still take his afternoon nap. I asked for him to be put in 4th grade instead of 5th so that he will get 2 more years in the elementary school after this one. Most of the boys in his class are also 4th graders, so he will hopefully make some friends.

So, that is the good and the bad. The downright silly is impossible to write about. You would have to see a video, and since the entire family was busy dancing and singing, no one was available to hold the camera. Even Garrett(16) joined in the fun. :) Those of you who know us, have no problem imaging how silly we can get. Andreas laughs so hard he has to wipe his eyes and slap his knee.:)

Wow! It's only 9am?

My day started at 4 am when my back/hip woke me. Then Dan got up and then I heard a thump upstairs. I zipped up there in hopes of getting A to the bathroom before he had an accident, but I was too late. I am not sure if he is afraid to come downstairs or if he is just not waking up. In Estonia, he got up every morning between 3-5 am to use the bathroom. He went all by himself, and then would go straight back to bed and to sleep. Anyway, he woke up around 5 in a huge puddle again which meant that we had to do the screaming shower again.

Since the dogs came home yesterday, Andreas has spent most of his time in a state of panic. If he could have sat on my head he would. All he wanted was to be as far away from the dogs as possible. By 5am, he was back in full swing. Dan held him in a chair and tried to help him calm down. It wasn't working. He was screaming, kicking and thrashing in panic. I had no idea what to do, so I went with my gut reaction. I picked up Kody, our 6yr.-old cocker spaniel and plunked him in the chair beside Andreas. Andreas fought harder, but Kody just sat there very calmly. After a few seconds, A started to calm down. Then I made him touch Kody. At first he pushed Kody away, but after a few more seconds, he began to pet the dog. Kody was amazing! He was so calm and gentle. It took probably 1/2 an hour, but finally, A was calm. He still wanted to get away from the Kody, so we let him. He RAN into the kitchen, right into Shyla, our 6 mos. old puppy. Can you hear the screaming? He freaked all over again. Shyla surprised us by sitting quietly at his feet. He had already backed himself into a corner, so there was no escape. He slowly calmed down. Then, Shyla licked his hand. I thought the screaming was starting again, but instead, it was squeals. He loved it! Within a few minutes, he was playing fetch with her.:)

I wish I could say that he is over his fear of dogs, but that would not be true. He still screams if one of the dogs move too quickly or bark. He is able to be in the same room with the dogs without panic, though. Once again, he has amazed me with how quickly he can overcome his fears. I cannot even begin to imagine what a nightmare this has been for him. He is so resilient.

So, by 7 am, A was calm, clean, fed and sleepy. Dad took Connor to band, and I pulled out one of my favorite picture books. A curled up with me on the couch, and SAT and LISTENED to the ENTIRE book! He loved it! I LOVED it!!! (My favorite part of being a mom) Then we snuggled up and watched Blues Clues. I don't care if it isn't age appropriate, Andreas enjoyed it! I think I might have enjoyed it even more. :) Now it is 9:30 and I feel like I have already done a day's work.:) I'm off to do schoolwork with the kids.

Hmmm.

This morning started out kind of rough. Little Man was so exhausted that he wet the bed. We didn't really care about it, except that I forgot to put a mattress protector on before we left for Estonia. Then, we HAD to put him in the shower. He FREAKS out whenever we shower him. I am not sure why. He has always taken showers at the orphanage. So our day started with a lot of rushing around and a wrestling match. Garrett and Meredith managed to eat and catch the bus with lunchbags packed. I'm sure glad Dan was home, too.:)

The rest of the morning went quite well. We took A to WalMart with us. He enjoyed himself. He acted like he'd been going shopping his whole life. He even CHOSE a toy in the clearance aisle.:) But then, we brought home the dogs. We already knew he was terrified of dogs, but the sudden appearance of 2 overexcited ones was more than he could handle. Shyla is just a pup and she jumped right into his lap and licked his face. Kody is older and calmer, but he was just a wiggle-bug of happiness at being back home. Andreas was hysterical. It took a long time to calm him down. He couldn't eat lunch, and he begged to go to bed. Sleep is one of the escape mechanisms he is using to get through all these changes.

He took a LONG nap and woke up feeling a little better. We are working around the dogs as much as possible. I think he will eventually get over it, but it is going to take a while. The kids are struggling a bit to adjust. I don't think they were quite prepared for his quirks and behaviors. They are not quite sure what to think. To me, it feels just like bringing home a new baby. I am so glad I have been through this before. It helps to remember that soon we will have a new "normal". Keep praying for us as we transition. Thanks.

We're Home!

Dad being very silly at the airport in Tallinn.

Head aega, Eesti!

Andreas eating his first meal at HOME!!!

Yesterday is better off forgotten! Andreas was exhausted, overwhelmed, completely overwrought, and airsick!!! He is amazingly resilient, loving, patient and sweet! The difficulties were mostly a result of fear and exhaustion. His behavior was remarkable! That does not mean his behavior was perfect. It was a tough day for all of us. I just mean it was excusable, and better than I expected.

He slept well last night, and is enjoying a quiet, restful day at home with his family. Thanks for all the prayers and support!

Farewell

Well, we survived the dreaded going-away party. Thank you for all your prayers! It really made a difference. We arrived with cakes and fruit and juice, as well as presents for the boys and caregivers. The boys welcomed Andreas back with hugs and lots of love and care. He is the baby of the family, after all. One of the boys got a pair of slippers for A and put them on him. It was sweet and cute.

One of the other older boys brought us into A's bedroom and gave us some wonderful treats! They gave us a photo album of A since he came to live there at 5 or 6. He looked about 3 or 4. He was THE cutest, chunky little blondie ever!! They also gave us his school records(in Eesti), and some of his report cards and schoolwork. How thoughtful! The caregiver, who we hadn't met before, insisted on packing some of his clothes for us. We agreed to take a few shirts and a spare pair of mittens.

After that, we got to watch the boys interact while the caregivers prepared for a party. The dining and living room areas were still decorated for Christmas. It looked very homey and festive.The boys put on a music DVD and danced and sang together. Then they sat down to their feast first. Andreas sat between his two favorite brothers.:) They kept hugging each other. One helped A eat (he won't touch anything sticky)his danish/streudel? A helped the other boy eat as well. Neither boy needs help, but they love each other very much.:) He kept telling us, "goodbye", and waving us away until I told him we were staying. He was fine after that.

The entire time, people were coming in and taking pictures of A, and saying goodbye. We learned that each of the boys has a party when he turns 18 and leaves the orphanage. That may be why A seemed to understand that he was leaving.

We had our turn to sit and eat with the adults in the living room. It was a bit formal(stressful) for me. Then we gave out our gifts. I think and hope they liked what I made. We called to Andreas, who got dressed and left with us without a fuss. About halfway down the stairs he slowed almost to a halt, and a funny expression came over his face. I think he realized he was leaving for good. He continued slowly to the bottom. In the car, he had tears, but it is hard to tell if he was crying because the cold air makes him tear up just the same way. He was quiet for a few minutes, and then he was fine.

I cannot share the pictures. I wish I could. We asked as many questions as we could about the institution the boys will be going to when they age out. It doesn't sound horrible! It is out in the country. It was described as being, "like a camp". Even so, my heart breaks for the three oldest boys who I just adore!!

So, we survived and everyone got some closure. Andreas is truly our son now. Estonia is wonderful, but I can't wait to say, "Ciao,ciao, Eesti!"

My Personal Paradise

I know most people aren't into the Fiber Arts the way that I am. So, if you don't want to read about knitting, you can stop now.:) Estonia has some of the oldest knitting traditions in the entire world! Old Town is full of souvenir shops full of linens and hand-knit wool items. The Jouluturg, or Christmas Market, was overflowing with traditional knits. Everyone on the streets wears hats, and mostly mittens. Every time I go out, it is a treat for me. I told Dan that this is almost as enjoyable for me as a visit to the Louvre would be. There are works of art all around me!

For Christmas, I got my own copy of, Folk Knitting in Estonia. I have read it and studied the patterns the entire trip. In the market, I was able to pick up and feel and smell hundreds of pairs of mittens, socks, gloves, scarves, hats, lace shawls, and sweaters. I know, I am one weird chick. I get into words and yarn. Oh well. Here are pictures of my purchases. I was surprised to realize I had picked the same motiff for Gavin and Andreas. They look so different when you change the colors. A's has a dark pattern on a light background, and G's is reversed.

The sweater is for Andreas. Charlotte, I got it for 293EEK!!! Can you believe it? One of the ladies at the wall sold it to me. I think the market affected their sales. She took what I had in my pocket. I had looked at one a few booths down, and was told 750EEK. The mittens are for Meredith and Connor. Gavin gets the jester hat. Dan gets the other hat. My mom gets one pair of gloves, and the other pair is for a very special friend who helped us get here. The scarf is for another very special friend who also helped us get here. Nothing for me, you see. I get to buy yarn and make my own.:) I was disappointed to find almost all the hats, scarves, sweaters and lace are machine made. No one can afford to handknit them. I'm glad I found that hand-knitted hat last year. Anyway, I believe the machine knitting is still done on a small scale by individuals. Oh, Garrett didn't want anything. Since he really wouldn't use it, I couldn't see spending the money.:)

10 Things I've Learned in Estonia

10. Waiting is ok.
9.Hanging clothes inside to dry is ok.
8.Drinking Sprite when you want Coke is ok.
7.Going slow is ok.
6.Walking outside everyday is good.(unless it's raining)
5.Wearing clothes more than once before washing them is good.
4.Sunshine is GOOD.
3.Time with friends is very good.
2.15 minutes to myself is very good.
1.Home and family is THE BEST!!!!

We're almost done Guys! Just a few more days until we are back to the very best place in the World with the VERY BEST people!!! We miss you sooooooooooo MUCH!!!!!

More Pictures

Nap time or magama(bed)







Watching Ben 10







Andreas and Dad







Koochie-koochie







Watching the snow plows.








Toompea at noon.








Views from the overlook platform. Can't you just SEE the COLD! Now I understand why they named a color Baltic Blue. It is a color of its own.



What a long, slow day!! Dan came back at 10:45 to say that we had to leave from 11:30-1:30 so the apartment could be cleaned. I had just finished cleaning the apartment.:) So, we bundled up and headed out with a little boy who doesn't like crowds, restaurants or stores. What to do? He might like to see a movie, but he probably wouldn't get past the darkness. So we walked all over town. Then we walked around inside a mall. We sat for a while, and he was very content to sit and watch people. Then, we walked some more and went to the skating rink. Today, there were mostly kids skating. A loved it! They have music playing and he enjoyed dancing and watching the kids skate. Then we walked some more, and went through another mall. We bought him an ice cream. What a riot! He was almost afraid of it.:) He eventually tried it, but couldn't get beyond the coldness. It was so funny. He would stare at it and work up his courage. Then he we dart out his tongue and touch the ice cream and pull away instantly. I so wish we had the camera with us!! Dan and I eventually ate the gelato for him. It was delicious!

We finally got home and started lunch. Guess what happened then? The cleaning lady arrived and spent 2 hrs. cleaning our already spotless apartment. As soon as she left we put A into bed, but he didn't even stay there an hour. Tonight he is going to bed EARLY. Tomorrow we all go the US Embassy to work on his Visa. Our apartment is just around the block from the Embassy. We may have some other running around to do. Dan worked it all out with Igor, so I don't remember the details.

Comme-ci, Comme-ca

Every day can't be a good one. Andreas woke up at 3:30am to use the bathroom. He went right back to bed, and right back to sleep. Unfortunately, we didn't fall back to sleep before 5:00. My leg was feeling numb except for the zinging sciatica I haven't felt in days. We finally did fall back to sleep and none of us got up til after 9:00. A's very first question was, "Oue, buss, namae, Onika?" Which translates to, "Can we go outside and take a bus to the orphanage and Veronika?" My heart sank. Instead of jumping up to start the day, I dragged my feet. This part is very hard!

Then, I wanted to check my email, so Dan got A's breakfast. Nothing seemed to go right with breakfast. Then he wanted to sit in my lap. He is allowed to sit with me at the computer as long as he doesn't touch. He gets three chances, and then he has to sit somewhere else. Well, he was not happy when I moved him. He sat on the floor and immediately started the self-stim behaviors that we try to avoid. He would not respond to the usual distractions, but just kept getting further and further away from us. For a few hours he was very difficult to be around. I didn't know whether to leave him alone, or try to get him out of his funk. I decided to get myself pulled together first since most of the problem was created by me. It is easier to avoid problems than to stop behaviors once they start. Anyway, I didn't beat myself up. I set up a game for A and took a shower. Once again, 15 min. to myself is amazing!

When I came out, he was playing with the empty bottles. He was still vacant and silent except for stim noises, but at least he was doing something. I still didn't know what to do, but I have noticed he likes me to be busy. So, I did all my chores and tried to engage him every time he looked up or came near. Slowly, he began to respond. At snack time, he went to the fridge and demanded a snack by pointing and grunting and growling.:) I calmly told him that he could have a snack if he used words or signs and asked politely, and he did. What a relief!

After snack we went for a walk. Our plan was to try Hessburgers. It is alot like McDonalds, but supposedly better. We got through the door okay, but A refused to sit at a table. Instead of making a scene, we just left. We walked around a bit more and went home. We were praying he would take a good nap and wake up a new person. Well, he didn't sleep at all because someone was on the roof breaking off icicles. He played quietly in bed for an hour. Then he came running in to the living room with a huge grin, yelling, "Tere! Tere! Tere!". Our Little Man was back.

The rest of the afternoon was great. We bowled with bottles and A watched some tv and learned some new signs. Dan walked several blocks with 2 large pizzas. What a guy! Andreas LOVES pizza!! He ate 2 1/2 pieces and was still asking for more. So, even our bad day, turned out good in the end.

Kapuss Dance

Andreas has 3 hooded sweatshirts. He loves hoods! He calls his hood a kapuss. I looked up hood and it is really kaputt. Just like the Latin, caput-head. :) Told you I was a word geek.:) He also tends to perseverate, or repeat things over and over and over. I made up little song and dance to go with the repeated word. It went straight to #1 on A's top 40! Here he is performing the Kapuss dance. The video is terrible since I was dancing while I was filming. I would have shortened the video, but the smile at then end makes the blurriness worth the wait.

Another Day

Today was a good day. For the first time, it wasn't snowing! We ventured out in search of a viewing platform that overlooks the city and the Baltic Sea. It was a long walk. We had to go up a ton of stairs. It took a while, but we reached the top, and that's when my vertigo hit. I had to squat down and hold on to the railing until my stomach stopped whirling and my vision stopped spinning. All the while I had to hold A's coat because he was trying to throw his leg over the rail! We were at least 4-5 stories up!!! He had kicked off all the snow he could reach, and there was more on the other side.:) After a couple minutes, I was fine. Dan was taking pictures which we will eventually post. I had to see the Baltic Sea. We travelled half-way round the world, and I want to take in as much as possible! By the way, the vertigo thing is totally unpredictable with me. If I had thought it would happen, I would have done things differently. Usually it only happens when I lose my footing.

We decided not to walk back down all those slippery stairs. Besides, the sun was within sight. I couldn't resist chasing it down. We made our way between all the government building on the hilltop and turned a corner. The beautiful golden sun blasted me full in the face. It was pure delight. I could just barely feel its warmth. I wanted to stop and stand there, but the foot traffic was pushing us forward and down. Within a few minutes we were back in shadow. I hadn't even realized how much I missed the sun!

A wanted to go back outside after lunch, but I was feeling cold and tired. He needed something to do, so we used empty water and soda bottles for bowling pins. He had a blast! After a while, I was tired of playing. I curled up with a puzzle book, and he kept playing for over an hour! He invented games of his own. It was fun to watch. He practiced his counting the whole time, too. He learns so quickly!!

After dinner, he was WOUND UP. Not in a bad way, just active and loud. He seemed very happy, but then he started asking to go home to Onika again. He was practically begging me. I felt so bad. I just pretended I didn't understand. He tends to get "stuck" on things, and I didn't want to encourage him to keep going on about it. I am so worried about going back to the orphanage for his party. He will NOT want to leave with us! Please pray about this situation. It is weighing heavily on our hearts. I think it would be better for us to skip the party. I wanted to get pictures of his "brothers" and caregivers, but it will be so hard for him!!! I am honestly not worried about us. We understand that it is his home and family that he is missing, just as we are missing our home and family. I believe his bond to us will eventually be just as strong. I know he already loves us as much as he is able. Poor baby.

Just before bedtime, Connor and Gavin joined us on Skype. It is the first time I have seen Gavin since we left. I have talked to him, but the camera wasn't working. As wonderful as it was to see and feel the sun, it was nothing compared to the joy of seeing and hearing my precious boys!!!! Skype is a MUST-HAVE for anyone travelling. Hopefully, I will get to chat with Meredith and Garrett tonight. That would be a perfect ending to a very good day.

Help Me, Mami!

Pictures

This is the view from our bedroom window. Well, now it is Andreas' room. We are sleeping on the couch so that he can have his own room. It seems to be working better.




Dan figured out how to upload the photos from the memory card. These were from our first evening here.





Andreas Reimann waiting for the judge with his "Onika". He sure loves Veronika!







Andreas Reimann Crawford outside the court house with Veronika. The first picture of the newest Crawford. The Eesti flag is only partly visible because of the wind.







The Viru Gates into Old Town.








The church in Old Town Square







Olde Hansa







The Christmas Tree in the Town Square







Andreas in Boy's pajamas.:)







Ball anyone?

A Good Day-so far

This morning started out rough for me. I was feeling stressed by my ever-present Little Man. He wanted to help me make breakfast(get in the way), wanted to help me use the computer(push the buttons while sitting on my lap in front of the screen), and help me take a shower(bang on the door yelling Mami at the top of his voice). I did NOT want this kind of help on this particular morning.:) Fortunately, Dan stepped in to redirect and entertain Andreas while I had a few minutes to myself. Hooray for me! My very best friend ever, Deb, was up and on facebook. I got to chat with her for a few minutes. Then I drank my coffee in peace, and was ready to jump back into the fray. I also realized that I have not gone out by myself the last two days. I definitely will today.

After that first hour, the day improved rapidly. Andreas and Dan were enjoying a snack at the table and A began to practice all the English words and signs he has learned so far. It was amazing to watch him. He is so smart!! His signs are coming along well. He knows-yes,good, boy, strawberry, milk,more, and please. He knows the English words for all those signs, plus he is saying, "I love you", "How are you?", "Mami coming", hello and dark. He loves the dark.:) We have also been counting with both languages and sign. A's version is 1,2,3,10. That pretty much sums him up. One, two, three....TEN!! Full speed ahead.:)

Just before lunch we went out to play in the park. For the first time, people were smiling at us on the streets. One sweet lady reached over and patted A on the arm when he walked by. In the park, everyone was smiling and watching us play. An older woman with a Scottish Terrier stopped when I pointed out her beautiful dog. The dog was begging for me to pat him, and I couldn't resist. She wanted A to pat the dog. He walked over to the dog, and the dog got up and wagged his tail. A ran back screaming. He is going to have a time getting used to Kody and Shyla. The lady tried to talk with us, but soon realized we didn't speak Eesti, and she doesn't speak English. She asked if we were tourists. We couldn't explain, so we just said, "yes". I can't tell you how much it meant to me to see friendly, encouraging faces. We deal with the stares and dirty looks just fine, but I didn't realize how much of a blessing it would be to feel acceptance.

Andreas has been much more "present" with us, today. The self-stim and orphanage behaviors we have been seeing have been much less, too. He is dealing with all this frustration and change so well! We are blessed.

Oh,yeah, he already knows that we say grace before we eat. He reaches out for our hands, and always adds the amen.

To Answer a Few Questions

We are scheduled to be here until January 9th. We probably will be here until that time. There is a small chance that our documents will be ready on Wednesday. If that happens, we will try for an earlier flight. It is really a long shot.

Our apartment is great. It is plenty big, and warm. We have a small washing machine and a big drying rack. It takes 2 days for our clothes to dry. Jeans and sweatshirts will probably take 3. I'll have to remember that when it is time to come home. We are 5-6 blocks from the grocery stores. We shop everyday because we have to carry everything back home.

We can't get out much with Andreas. The streets are covered with slushy snow and ice. It is hard to walk too far. I don't know how he would react to a bus. People are freaked out by us. A few have been wonderful,but most get away as soon as possible.:(

Dinner is ready. I'll post more later.

Day 3

Our day went well enough. I was completely drained and just did not have the energy to try very hard. We spent most of the day lazing around. Andreas watched way too much tv. He got frustrated easily with games and toys, so we just hung out.

In the afternoon, we went out to play in the park. That was a blast! Andreas can run like crazy on level ground.:) He threw a snowball at Daddy, who of course threw one back. They were both covered. The snow is too dry to make a snowman. Bummer. We did play hide and seek and chase Daddy. Andreas loves being outside.

I finally managed to get a video of him calling "Help me, Mami". It is very cute. Now, my memory card is full. I can't take any more pictures until we get a new memory card or an upload cable. Dan feels terrible about bringing the wrong one, so I am trying not to go crazy about it.:)We will probably have to wait until at least tomorrow because nothing will be open on New Year's Day. I have to remember that now I have the rest of our lives to take pictures of my son.

We fell asleep around 10, but the fireworks at midnight woke us for a bit. It must have been some display. It lasted over an hour. Otherwise, it was still very quiet here.

Crawford kids please send an email to your desperate mother!!! I am dying to hear from you now that we can't Skype everyday!! I hope you are having a great time at the Hartleys! Miss you like crazy!!!!!