Boy, do I feel foolish!

This week I have been thinking about the adoption, ALOT! Since it is not helpful to think about waiting, I have been reviewing the steps we have taken. It still gives me butterflies to remember that evening in February 2008, when I first saw Andres in the red baseball cap. I didn't sleep all night, but I sure did pray! I prayed with thanksgiving and joy and excitement, and complete faith and assurance that,"he's the one". Since then, there have been many ups and downs. We have faced financial difficulties, health concerns, doubts and fears. We have faced negativity from family and friends.

I cannot explain the "knowing" or the "rightness" of this. It was not an emotional, "oh I so WANT this". It was exactly like the "knowing" I experienced with pregnancy. Suddenly a light turned on in my brain, and I KNEW. That was followed by the most incredible emotional high. Pure joy! With each pregnancy, I experienced this. The night I saw that picture, I experienced it, too. This time, however, it was even more intense. This was a dream come true! For 20 years I had a longing, a feeling of responsibility, an urgency to adopt. It was never the right time, but those feelings were always there. It is so hard to explain what I believe has been a calling on my life. Many people are ready to dismiss it as emotion, and wanting. It is more than that. That night, My Father spoke to me, "this is the one". It was the same voice that 22 years ago said, "My Precious daughter, You have returned. You are forgiven." The same voice told me, "Go" to Haiti. He told me, "he's the one", when I met Dan. I don't often hear His voice that clearly. More often He gives me pictures, examples, stories. I believe these to be true.

My emotional high did not last very long. God didn't give this passion, this vision, this calling to Dan. My faithful friends and family very quickly pointed out, that God does not divide, so I must be wrong. I was being carried away by emotion and trying to manipulate Dan into doing what I want. Wow, that really hurt! When I look at myself, I can understand why people would think that about me. I cried, alot. I prayed and prayed. Is it really just me trying to have my way? I have been guilty of this very sin many times. This time, I do not believe it is about me. It is about Andreas. I cannot make people understand, and I do not need to try to change their minds. My faith has not wavered. They will see, and take it how they will.

This is the part I feel so foolish about. The money. We do not have the money for an international adoption. We have NEVER had the money to do this. As far as I can see, we never will have this kind of money. BUT...I told Dan that very first night that I couldn't explain and I couldn't say how, but that if we were faithful, it would happen. I started praying, my friends started praying. Money started to roll in. Within 2 weeks Andreas had $3,500, then $10,000, and finally $14,000!! Dan, began to believe that we should do this. We commited to Reece's Rainbow and began the process of adopting Andreas.

Anyone who has prayed earnestly for a miracle of this kind can understand the overwhelming joy that goes along with answered prayer. I was, and still have been,so focused on how AMAZING our God is to provide for us, that I never stopped to think about the people He used. I finally stopped to think about Andrea Roberts at Reece's Rainbow. She was advocating for Andreas. I can't even imagine how much time and effort she put into finding the money for us!! Then, I didn't even give her any credit. She works so hard finding these children, advocating for them, raising awareness and raising funds. Please,if you haven't yet, check out www.reecesrainbow.org just to see what one woman's passion can do.

When Andrea emailed to let me know that an anonymous donor had just given $14,000 for Andreas'adoption, I just sat there sobbing. I was completely overwhelmed! Who? Who would do this for him? for us? Who has that kind of money? How can we ever repay them? Why? Why would someone make that kind of sacrifice? She asked if the family could have permission to contact us. Of course we gave it! The family never did contact us. I went back to sharing how God provided for us, and forgot that He did it through real, flesh and blood people.

When we visited Andreas in February, I contacted Andrea first. She again asked if our sponsor family could contact us. I was so excited to think that we would find out who had given so generously. Again, the family did not contact us. This time I was a little disappointed, but I believe we will find out when the time is right. Now, while we wait, I often wonder about this incredible, anonymous family who have given us such a wonderful gift. Are they getting impatient too? It must be hard for them to watch this drag on and on. They are probably sick of hearing me complain.....

For now, I just want to say, "Thank you". That doesn't even come close to expressing the gratitude I feel. I hope to eventually know who you are. I want very much to keep you updated with photos of Andreas. You will be the first to know all the "firsts" he will experience once he gets a taste of life outside an institution. Thank you again and again!!!!!!!