I'm sad today

Maybe it's the rain.:( Yesterday, I had to bring Kody to the vet. As soon as I walked through the door, I started crying. I miss Sadie so much!!! I miss her great big, solid body that I could wrap my arms around when I was sad. I miss her velvety soft black ears. I miss her sweet way of squinting her eyes at us, her huge head leaning into my leg, and the thumping of her tail. Of course, I don't miss her slobber, her barking, or the enormous holes she liked to dig in the yard. I especially don't miss the "mountains" she left all over the yard for me to clean up, but it surprises me how much I just miss her presence.

I'm also sad about my job. I miss my co-workers. It really bugs me that I didn't get to finish the project I was working on. I'm a geek about things like that. Mostly, I feel horrible that my patients won't know that I didn't leave on purpose. I feel like I deserted them. Isn't that stupid? I am also afraid that they will think I was fired because I am not a good hygienist or that I did something wrong. It is a horrible feeling!

Yesterday, I walked past a little boy with a bad case of chapped lips. I felt like someone hit me in the stomach. It made me miss Andreas so bad it hurt! Chapped lips. Isn't that pathetic. See, Andreas has constantly chapped skin around his mouth and his lips have craters in them. Just 2 days with us and a tube of Chapstick did wonders. No one is putting Chapstick on his mouth, and it drives me crazy because it is such a little thing that could make him so much more comfortable. Having no control over this process is hard, but it isn't the part that bothers me. What bothers me is that I have commited heart and soul to this little boy,Andreas,my son-and I can't be his mother. I just want to be with him and take care of him!

Thankfully, I know that this sadness will pass. The rest of the day is going to be busy and fun. Tomorrow we are heading to the Kellys and that is always a wonderful trip. I am so thankful for Dan and the 4 amazing children I have here with me. They are great at distracting me when I start feeling sorry for myself.