I posted this picture just because he is so cute!
Andreas spinning his infamous ring.
Another shot of Andreas and his rings.
Brags
Andreas is no longer afraid of the dogs unless they are barking or growling and playing. He will even take his toys back from Shyla. He did get a little too brave with Kody today, and got his fingers nipped. I am hoping he learned NOT to grab Kody by the ears and YANK!
He can RUN up and down the stairs. Thankfully, he still holds on.
He can get into and out of the van and on and off the schoolbus by himself.:)
He can turn the lights on and off.
He can turn the water on and off.
He LOVES showers!!!!
He knows and uses 15-20 signs.
He is beginning to use English words without first using Eesti. His newest word/sign combination is, "good morning!"
That is all I can think of to brag on at the moment. But don't worry, I will soon think of more.:) We are so impressed our Little Man! He has learned all of these things in 5 weeks. Most of it, he has learned since we've been home.
Here is where I need the advice. The rings.You can see them in the pictures above. I have a love/hate relationship with the rings. Back at our apartment in Tallinn, A discovered the rings on a cheap plastic toy would come off. He had 2 of them, and he played with them alot. By the end of our stay, he wasn't playing with anything else. He was making up games with them, but it wasn't the same, and I didn't like it.
If he was just staring and watching them spin, I would take them away. It is not an obvious stim thing. The problem is that he is obsessive/compulsive about some things. He wants the rings the moment he is awake, and he gets really upset when he can't find them. Everyone in the house feels like he is more distant. He won't even play ball with Connor. His (former) favorite game and (current)favorite brother!
There is a positive side to the rings. He usually tosses them up and rolls them down the stairs which means he is constantly climbing up and down. He gets lots of exercise that way. He will interact with us while he is playing, but we have to make an effort. Another good thing is that he prefers to play with them in the kitchen. That is where Shyla hangs out, and why he has gotten over his fear of her. The last thing is that he will sit quietly (like in church) if he has a ring to play with.
I don't know what I should do! I don't want to take away his favorite toy if it is something he loves and is a comfort to him. At the same time, I do not think the rings are in his best interest. Before the rings, he would play interactively with us and make up games of his own. Now, he doesn't. Do you think I am blaming the rings for a normal adjustment phase? The honeymoon is definitely over! Poor Andreas has learned that I am not always nice and not always fun. I also make him do lots of things he doesn't want to do. I'm not sure he likes any of us so much, right now.
What do you think?
Should I take them away completely? Only let him have them sometimes? Not worry about it?
I sure would appreciate some advice.!
7 comments:
Go with your gut. There is a reason that God gave us a maternal instinct, trust it and go with what it leads you to do.
I 've witnessed another mother completely ignore hers and it saddens me beyond words.
I wouldn't worry about it. There are so many new things he is having to adjust to, I would let the rings be a comfort to him as long as possible. Maybe the whole family could be incorporated in the ring game. Maybe a family ring toss? A game of hot potato? Catch? Could he play fetch with the dogs? Or here's one....Hide and Seek. Maybe they'll eventually get 'lost', one at a time. (wink)
Is there another "comfort thing" that you would also be comfortable with? Maybe having a soft toy when he goes to bed...but a "manly" one,maybe a sponge bob so that it awaits him when he goes to bed? Try to introduce some ne sensory things, eg a stress ball. Maybe suggest a time where it's play time and he and his brothers and/or sister can play something which incorporate the rings, but something else as well.
Yeah, for him liking showers. How do the other children get along with him, now?
Alice, I agree with Charissa, the kids tend to cling to an item, for Kara it was a pillow, Amanda a postcard...that brings them comfort. He has had a lot of changes in his life, if this beings him comfort, let it go for now. That is my 2 cents. I like Charissa's idea of incorporating family into the ring play.
I don't have much advice, but what Charissa wrote makes good sense to me. Much better than what I was originally going to say. :)
Yana has as string twirling fetish... first one way for a bit, then the other. I am so curious to see if it continues once home. :)
He is looking so good, his hair is growing and he's looking like he's filling out a tiny bit!
with our kids that have similiar issues we have made a goal (like less ring obsession) and tried to get to it gradually instead of all of a sudden taking something away (unless it is a discipline or danger issue) if it is a compulsive thing we gradually decrease the time with it, or keep it for special times (such as church) to keep him occupied. im with you honey, you are doing great!
I work at a program that deals with many clients with obsessive habits involving a variety of different items. They range from poker chips, to bottle caps to ripping paper...Where I think you are in luck is that your son seems interactive and connected to the world around him. He most likely had to self sooth to find a place of peace in his past life. You are doing a fantastic job, he will most likely always love his rings, and if he stops with them, another toy will take it's place.I know that because he has special needs,the instinct is to try and correct all behavior, but your idea of limiting the use of the rings is the best one. You can always use them as a reward, as opposed to taking them away as a punishment. That way, no hurt feelings are created. Over time he will adjust to whatever routine you create for him. All children self sooth to a certain extent, and yes it is more of a problem with children and adults with special needs. Don't worry, as his life with you continues he will need to self soothe less often if an appropriate limit is put on his time doing so. Don't forget the fact that you love him, are there to care for him, and are aware of his challenges. You have a clear desire to do what's best by him,,and you will:)
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