Recap of the Last Few Days

Friday

Oh, how I love Fridays!! This week, I was so good. I stuck to my goals. The dishes were done every night, right after dinner. At least 2 loads of laundry were washed, dried, and put away. Finally, I spent at least 30 minutes decluttering or finding homes for some of the many new things that have arrived in our home since Christmas. Remember, we had to leave the day after Christmas!

On Friday, I crashed. I was exhausted! When Connor and I got home at 8:15, I curled up on the couch with my knitting and a cup of coffee. I really meant to be good, but it turned into several cups of coffee and LOTS of knitting.:) We did get some schoolwork done. When Dan called to remind me that Andreas had a school play at 2pm, I finally got moving. Meredith and I got there just in time.

I have to admit, I was unsure about the school play. Every year, the 2 special ed. classrooms put on a show for the entire school. I was worried that the other kids would be unkind. Boy, was I wrong! First of all, the show was very entertaining, and the other kids loved it!!! It was a bit overwhelming for Andreas. He still doesn't like crowds. The show was a spoof on American Idol. Each of the "acts" was a student, or group of students and at least one teacher/ ed. tech. Andreas was one of the Backstreet Boys. He stayed on the stage, and didn't scream and cover his ears even though he wanted to, poor guy. At the end, all the kids and teachers came out on stage and danced. As long as he didn't have to look out at the crowd, he was happy to dance. Boy did he dance!:) Here are a couple of pictures of our Backstreet Boy. They were taken from the very back of the gym, so they are not very clear. They spiked his hair with gel. :) It is doing that on its own right now, anyway.

Garrett left for a youth retreat in PA with the Vineyard Church youth group. We are happy he has the opportunity, but always feel that weird restlessness while he is away. The other kids were just hanging out at home.

Saturday

Andreas doesn't like the weekends. Free time is difficult to fill up. He likes structure and routine, and I am just not there yet. We decided to go for a long ride because it was such a clear, sunny day. Connor and Gavin got to stay home and play video games. They hate riding in the car. Meredith and Andreas LOVE riding, so we had a nice time. We stopped at WalMart on the way home, and Andreas got really upset while we were in line. I think he feels claustrophobic in those shopping lines. He cried and squeaked and wrapped his arms around me. When we got back to the car, he was very quiet for a while. I asked him(in Eesti) if he was sad. He looked surprised, and then nodded. He started naming his orphanage "brothers" and caregivers. When we got home, I showed him their pictures, and he seemed to feel a little better. Poor, homesick, boy! I am afraid this is going to be one LONG vacation!

Last night, A went to bed at 8, and the rest of us stayed up and watched the All-Star events. We had a great time watching our very own, Paul Pierce win the 3-point competition!:) We all wished we hadn't bothered to stay up to watch the slam-dunk contest. That was pretty disappointing.

Sunday

Andreas started squeaking when we pulled into the church parking lot. He made it very clear that he did NOT want to go in the church today. Meredith and I scooted him through a side door, and he was fine. He put on the brakes when we got to the sanctuary, but Dan was right there to "escort" him to his seat. I pulled out the last remaining ring from my purse, and A sat back and relaxed. He seems to enjoy himself in church, once he gets there. He flirted with the teenage girl behind us for a while until the music started. Then he sang out loud and clear and threw in a few dozen "amens" for good measure.:) He tolerated the crowd after the service pretty well, so we were able to stay and visit with friends for a while. He even played with Gavin a bit!

We got to catch up with our friend, Katy, who has moved out of state. Katy was one of our biggest supporters and prayer warriors through this entire adoption process. She was so excited to see Andreas with us at last! Gavin got to go to his buddy's house again. They are also adoptive parents. They have been very supportive of Gavin, who needs the extra support right now. We appreciate how helpful they have been!

Connor decided that Andreas needs to play outside more.:) He took him out back to shoot hoops. Andreas is good at basketball! He made 9 baskets.:) He tried to dribble the ball, too, but found it doesn't work on snow.:) Andreas adores Connor! Connor is a great kid, and he has really taken Andreas under his wing. Here are a few pictures of the 2 boys playing. Can you believe how little snow we have for February? Remember the pictures of A waiting for the bus a month ago? I think we had almost 3 feet of snow when we came home from Estonia. Oh well, I am NOT complaining about this warm, snow-less February!!

I Only Changed 1 Set of Sheets Today,

and they were MINE!!! We love our flannel sheets, but we only have a few sets. Dan put his foot right through the sheet.:) I think we got them as a wedding present, so they have held up pretty well.

I wish I could say that Andreas was completely dry through the night, but he wasn't. He has been dry after most of his naps for the last several days. This morning his Goodnight was wet, but his clothes and sheets were not. We have been using adult men's boost pads inside, and he still was waking up soaked. I was changing blankets and sheets 2x/day. I am hoping this new trend continues!

Andreas got an excellent report from school today! Mr. V said he is always in a good mood, and is picking up and repeating words. He is also beginning to identify pictures. He is such a smartie! I don't know how often he gets speech, but occasionally he surprises me with a new sign, so someone is teaching him.

Gotta post pictures soon.

Videos

For some reason, the videos only stay up for a few hours. If you haven't seen them, and would like to, let me know so I can repost them.

Dinner with the Crawfords, Part 2

A Missing Tooth, a New Doctor, and an update.

On Wednesday evening, Andreas discovered that he had a very loose tooth. It threw him into complete distress! (For some reason, hiccups really upset him, too.) Meredith and I are his chief comforters, which makes sense because he is used to women caretakers. Neither of us were here. Dan just wouldn't do, and he felt horrible about it. Even Connor couldn't cheer up Andreas. Poor Dan was also trying to cook dinner at the same time. When I got home, Andreas wrapped himself around me and sobbed. His face and hands were all bloody, and he had wet himself. He was stinky and sticky from head to toe. I got him cleaned up and oohed and aahed over his "ouchies". Poor Little Man also fell and skinned and bruised his knee earlier in the day. :( So, we cuddled for a bit, and then he was fine. The next day, he kept asking me for mittens or gloves. I have no idea what he wanted. Maybe he wanted me to pull his tooth? Maybe they would put something over his hands so that he wouldn't play with the tooth? I don't know, and you could tell he thought I was pretty dense for not getting it.:)By the time I got home on Thursday evening, his tooth was gone, and he was a very happy boy. I'd post a picture, but it is a canine tooth, and barely shows.

Today, Grammy and I took Andreas to the endocrinologist. He is a new doctor at the pediatric specialty practice in Portland. I LOVE this doctor!!! Instead of drawing blood today, he gave me the paperwork so that it can all be done at once after A sees the cardiologist in 2 weeks. Hurray! I HATE holding Andreas down. Dr. D asked lots of questions and then gave me information based on what I already know. It was nice not to have to sit through Ds 101. He recommends we do the genetic testing in case the insurance company balks because A hasn't been officially diagnosed. Why can't all doctors be gentle, caring, and helpful?

An update on the rings. First of all, thank you for the advice. I really appreciate knowing there are experienced moms out there who are willing to help! The changes we had noticed were subtle. First, he stopped playing with other toys. Then, he stopped playing with the other kids. Finally, he stopped cuddling with us. He was beginning to shy away whenever I moved toward him. Still, he did seem happy and comfortable, and he wasn't totally unresponsive. I was thinking he just needs them for now, so I will let it go. The other behavior is probably just attachment/adjustment stuff.

But now, thanks to Shyla, there is 1 ring. My mom, who is here on W and Th while I work, didn't know the rings were an issue. She did however, notice a big difference in Andreas since last week. She also felt that the rings were making him distant and less interactive, so she put them away while he was in bed. When he got up and asked for them, she just told him,"no". He went in the living room and started playing with the other kids. He played ball with Connor, and wrestled with Gavin. Then he came out in the kitchen and "helped" Grammy and Meredith. It was nice to see, and it felt right. On Thursday, he didn't even ask for the rings, so I didn't bother to ask mom where she put them.

Last night, Dan and I had so much fun with our boy!! He cuddled in my lap, and we sang all of his favorite songs. Then he practiced his signs and English words for us. It was so nice to have our boy back! I realize that this could all have been unrelated to the rings, but since he is so much more like the Andreas we knew in Estonia, we are gonna leave the rings where they are for now. These attachment issues are so tricky! It is hard to know what to let go of and what to deal with.

Braggin' on My Boy & Advice Needed

I posted this picture just because he is so cute!

Andreas spinning his infamous ring.

Another shot of Andreas and his rings.

Brags

Andreas is no longer afraid of the dogs unless they are barking or growling and playing. He will even take his toys back from Shyla. He did get a little too brave with Kody today, and got his fingers nipped. I am hoping he learned NOT to grab Kody by the ears and YANK!

He can RUN up and down the stairs. Thankfully, he still holds on.

He can get into and out of the van and on and off the schoolbus by himself.:)

He can turn the lights on and off.

He can turn the water on and off.

He LOVES showers!!!!

He knows and uses 15-20 signs.

He is beginning to use English words without first using Eesti. His newest word/sign combination is, "good morning!"

That is all I can think of to brag on at the moment. But don't worry, I will soon think of more.:) We are so impressed our Little Man! He has learned all of these things in 5 weeks. Most of it, he has learned since we've been home.

Here is where I need the advice. The rings.You can see them in the pictures above. I have a love/hate relationship with the rings. Back at our apartment in Tallinn, A discovered the rings on a cheap plastic toy would come off. He had 2 of them, and he played with them alot. By the end of our stay, he wasn't playing with anything else. He was making up games with them, but it wasn't the same, and I didn't like it.

If he was just staring and watching them spin, I would take them away. It is not an obvious stim thing. The problem is that he is obsessive/compulsive about some things. He wants the rings the moment he is awake, and he gets really upset when he can't find them. Everyone in the house feels like he is more distant. He won't even play ball with Connor. His (former) favorite game and (current)favorite brother!

There is a positive side to the rings. He usually tosses them up and rolls them down the stairs which means he is constantly climbing up and down. He gets lots of exercise that way. He will interact with us while he is playing, but we have to make an effort. Another good thing is that he prefers to play with them in the kitchen. That is where Shyla hangs out, and why he has gotten over his fear of her. The last thing is that he will sit quietly (like in church) if he has a ring to play with.

I don't know what I should do! I don't want to take away his favorite toy if it is something he loves and is a comfort to him. At the same time, I do not think the rings are in his best interest. Before the rings, he would play interactively with us and make up games of his own. Now, he doesn't. Do you think I am blaming the rings for a normal adjustment phase? The honeymoon is definitely over! Poor Andreas has learned that I am not always nice and not always fun. I also make him do lots of things he doesn't want to do. I'm not sure he likes any of us so much, right now.

What do you think?

Should I take them away completely? Only let him have them sometimes? Not worry about it?

I sure would appreciate some advice.!

Good Weekend

Friday night, Garrett and Meredith had their last swim meet of the year. They both had fun, and Dan took his turn as cheering parent and timer. They were all pleasantly exhausted when they got home.

Yesterday, most of the Crawford crew auditioned for Charlotte's Web. Dan is doing a small role and assistant directing the show.:) Garrett got the part of Lurvy, the hired hand who helps out at the Zuckerman's farm. His part is bigger in the play than in the book. We are so excited and happy that he got a good sized role again. It has been a while since he got more than a bit part. Yay, Garrett!!

Meredith got the part of the Lamb. She has quite a few lines, and has to transform from a mean young lamb into a tender-hearted yearling. It is the only part in the show for a girl her age, so the competition was tough. We are thrilled!

Gavin auditioned very well. He was given a small part as a fairgoer. He was also asked to understudy the part of Avery, Fern's brother. He was a little disappointed at first, but is happy to have a part.

Connor did not audition because his school play is coming up in March. He will be helping out as needed and may be assistant stage manager.

Andreas sat quietly and watched 3 hours of auditions!! I kept thinking we would have to leave, but he was perfectly content to stay. So, depending on how he does, I might get to be involved in the show. I am hoping to help with sets and props. I love making things and painting.:) Andreas loves to clap, so he will make a perfect audience.:) I love having the opportunity to work together as a family. This is our 4th show together, and it has been such a blessing. It is also a great chance for Andreas to get comfortable with a group of people and a different environment. The theater is actually a gorgeous church sanctuary. It is very peaceful there. The group of people we will be working with are wonderful, too! Many of them are old friends.

Today, we left early for church. We managed to sneak A through a side door at the front so that we were seated near Dan, and near a door. Andreas didn't notice all the people because they were behind us. He was so well-behaved for his first time in church! He certainly made a joyful sound to the Lord this morning. He sang right out on all the hymns. He did call out to Dad, who was leading worship, once or twice. Andreas loves to say, amen. As soon as he realizes someone is praying he starts repeating, "amen". He got in his share of amens this morning.:)

Andreas has also appointed himself, chief doorman at the church. He runs from door to door opening and closing them for the people coming and going. Everyone has been so accepting and gracious to him. Of course, how could anyone not smile at my sweet, smiling boy.:) The rest of the day was quiet. We took naps, ate delicious pot roast and relaxed together. Ahh!

Now I better crash. It was nice, but I am wiped out!

5 Fun Facts for Andreas Fans with photos!

Andreas
1. sleeps like a pretzel-on his back, with crossed legs resting on his chest and shoulders
























2.will DANCE for soup!

3. greets everyone with shouts of, "Tere Hommikust!"(good morning) ANY time he is happy.

4.can carry a tune and clap in rhythm-once he learns the song

5. This one you will have to see.... if you pick him up from behind, under his arms, he will throw his legs straight up in the air until they rest on his shoulders in a giant V. Of course, this was a re-enactment,and not nearly as funny.

For some reason, boys seem to have this thing about picking up other boys to show how strong they are maybe? I don't know, but boy, was Connor surprised when he picked up A and found himself holding a giant v-shaped bundle.:)

A Word on the Sad Post

I wrote that post the other day because it happened, and it was hard. I am trying to be honest and open about our adoption story. I am not "struggling" or depressed. My expectations are not too high. In fact, we planned for much worse. What happened did not take me by surprise. I was taken by surprise at the intensity of my feelings, even when I was prepared for it!

On the flipside, the "happy" posts are just as true. I am not trying to gloss things over and make it look like our life is a fairy tale. There is much joy, singing, dancing and pure silliness in this home. Forgive me if I don't show the bickering, yelling and ridiculous arguments that also occur daily. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, and they aren't much fun to watch. We are all very human here.

Bottom line- I will try to post what I think might be interesting, fun or helpful. I also plan to talk about the tough times. Writing about difficulties helps me to see it differently. Usually, someone has just the right comment to help as well.

Back to Work

I went back to work today. Boy am I tired! Andreas went back to school today, and had another relapse. I am NOT sending him for the rest of this week. I may not send him next week either.

Mr. V called at 11-ish to say that A wouldn't eat snack and looked like he wasn't feeling well. They had gone to swim lessons, and A was not impressed. He was terrified and needed lots of help. When they got back to school, he shut down. They had him lay down and he fell asleep, and slept until 1:00 when the bus came to pick him up. When he got home, he refused lunch and went back to bed. He slept all afternoon! He was fine last night and this morning. I can't wait until I can tell if he is sick or not. It is so frustrating. Of course I wouldn't send him if I thought he was sick!!! He was dancing and singing all evening.

Three good things about today.
1. Meredith was amazing with Andreas.
2. I like my job.
3. My kids are so fun!

The Truth Is...

it's hard sometimes.:(

Andreas is feeling much better today. He has started going again, and only has occasional cramps as far as I can tell. We kept him home for 1 more day. I'm glad,too, because yesterday afternoon, his lips broke out in blisters. Today, they are crusty red sores that look horrible! I am sure they hurt him, too. Poor little guy!

After lunch, he sat in my lap and asked to look at the laptop. He LOVES watching the videos of himself. I accidentally clicked on the orphanage pictures. Wow was A happy!! I mean OVERJOYED!! He danced around the kitchen and babbled on in Eesti. I was laughing and delighting in his joy. It would be impossible not to be happy for someone as happy as Andreas was at that moment. He asked me a question and I just nodded and said, "yeah". He squealed and ran for his boots shouting, "Mami and Andreas are going HOME to the orphanage!" The bubble of joy in my heart deflated like a balloon. Had he asked me to take him home? How did I miss it?

Feeling like the most horrible person in the world, I had to tell him that I was not taking him home to the orphanage. He stood in front of his reflection in the microwave and told himself, "no". Then he would look at me and smile and ask me again if I would take him to the orphanage. I had to keep saying, "no". When he stopped asking me, it was even worse. He would look at his reflection and ask himself. Then he would frown and sternly say,"no, ei". I felt so sad for him.

Then, I will admit it even if I get grief for it, I started to feel sorry for myself. I felt rejected. I felt like a failure. I have been trying so hard, and still I'm not good enough? Then I caught myself. I KNEW this would happen. I tried to prepare myself for it, but it still caught me off guard. It still hurts to feel second-best.

Anyway, I was prepared for it. Andreas IS what this is all about. He is the one who has lost everything he knows and LOVES. Thank the Lord, that he knows how to love and be loved. Help me, Lord, to allow him to grieve without letting my own feelings get in the way! Help his heart to heal so that he can truly love us. Help us to love him in such a way that he learns of You and KNOWS Your love for him.
Help me to be tough when it hurts, and not to take it to heart. You have been, are, and will be faithful. Amen.

Improving

Getting some love & attention from Dad.









Looking handsome in his Eesti sweater.








Andreas loves "Sister". He won't even make an attempt at saying Meredith, so we settled on Sister.




Andreas is feeling better overall. He still has bouts of abdominal pain because things are still backed up. His discomfort seems to be less and less frequent. Thanks for praying.

Update

Andreas has had a much better day, today. He has had no fever and less coughing. He does still have a runny/stuffy nose and that glazed look in his eyes. His appetite is back,too. We have been pushing fluids and he is taking Miralax. Thank you for all the suggestions. They will be helpful as we try to prevent this from happening again.

He is still quite miserable with bouts of abdominal pain. He cried again today at naptime when Shyla jumped on him. The boys are staying away because it is awful to watch. Dan, Meredith and I are taking turns trying to comfort him. He whimpers and says, "help me, please". It is heartbreaking!

Right now, he is feeling better again, and is playing a game he made up. He doesn't really play with toys much. He loves to make up his own games with empty bottles or these 3 plastic rings he found. He also plays ball on the stairs. He throws the ball up, and it bounces back down to him. That way, he doesn't have to find a willing partner.:)He is great at entertaining himself. Now that we are home, he hardly watches tv which is fine by me. I hate tv!

Wow, was I wrong!

Andreas is NOT better. He is COMPLETELY MISERABLE!! He got up this morning looking and acting great! He was so excited when the bus pulled up that he did his happy dance.:)Then he climbed up the stairs all by himself. He couldn't wait to get to school.

At 12:00, I got a call from Dan who had just run home for lunch. Mr. V had called from school saying A was not doing well. Dan brought home a very sick little boy.:( We came in the house and he wrapped his arms around me and CRIED. You know he doesn't cry! He was burning up and coughing and gagging. He begged to go to bed so I brought him upstairs. He insisted on getting undressed and climbed into bed half-dressed. Andreas only goes to bed in PJ's. He never 1/2 does anything. He was shaking all over, like from a high fever. The worst part was that he was obviously in severe abdominal pain. He kept bending over and pushing on his belly. Poor baby!

So, while I tried to comfort him, Dan called the doctor. We were told to bring him right over. He did NOT want to get out of bed and get dressed, but we finally got him in the car. He was even less impressed when we arrived at the doctor's office. Dr.S saw him right away, and ordered x-rays to check for pnuemonia and constipation. A wrestling match and 2 sleepy hours later, we learned that he was positive for both. Now, we begin the process of getting this poor boy comfortable again. Once we do, I intend to keep him that way! Even though I tried to give him a high fiber diet, it wasn't enough. I didn't want to put him on extra until I asked the doctor. Now we know for sure that he will need to supplement. The doc believes the pneumonia is viral, so no antibiotics for now. Little man is sleeping, and will hopefully be feeling better soon. As always, we would appreciate your prayers.

Andreas is Feeling Much Better

Andreas slept in this morning. Just as I was about to leave to pick up Connor, he came running down the stairs with his usual, "Tere hommikust!" He looked great, had no fever, and was coughing much less. I had already made an appointment with the doctor, so we went anyway.

Dr. S had planned a full physical, not just a sick visit. I didn't know that, so I didn't bring our records or my list of questions. The visit went well. Andreas was able to calm down and cooperate pretty well. Dr. S was very slow, and patient with him. Both Dan and I like him. His overall philosophy is consistent with ours. He gave us several referrals. A will be seeing the endocrinologist-for thyroid management, the cardiologist-for a echo and thorough eval., and the eye doctor. His biggest concern is sleep apnea. I was embarassed to admit that I haven't checked to see how A was breathing while sleeping. The few times I have checked on him, he has been breathing quietly and deeply. I need to monitor A's sleep this weekend.

Sick Boy

Andreas started coughing yesterday. It sounded like an asthma cough which made me nervous because we don't have meds. for him yet. Today, he got up from his nap with a nasty stuffed-up nose and a low-grade fever. We were told he has asthma. Please pray that he doesn't have a flare up. He has a history of frequent bouts of pneumonia. Also, pray that the doctor is able to find out if something is hurting him. He keeps making the face he makes when he is hurting or frustrated and I know something is bothering him! I can't stand it when he is miserable and I don't know how to help. Pray please!

First Day of School, part 2

These pictures are actually from today. I didn't want to take pictures of A when he was scared. This morning he was very relaxed as he made his way down the drive.








And here is the classic "waiting for the bus" picture :)







This pic has nothing to do with the post, but I just had to post it. Isn't Gavin handsome in the Estonian sweater? I want to make him one in (gasp)synthetic yarn. The wool is hot and itchy(according to Gavin). I am not a purist if it means the kids will actually wear what I take the time to make.






So, back to today's post....




Andreas got home around 1:15. He was tired and HUNGRY! His teacher sends the kids home with a folder with running notes from the day. According to Mr. V, A had a good day. He said he picks up things quickly and believes A will do well in his class.:)On the down side, A would not use the bathroom, and didn't eat much lunch. Hopefully he feels more comfortable today.

This morning, he was ready for the big bus. In fact, he was excited! He slowed a bit on the stairs which really are steep for him. Then he went straight to his seat with no problem.:)

First Day of School, part 1

There will have to be a part 2 because Andreas won't be home for a few hours yet. My stomach has been in knots all morning. This is really my first experience at sending my "baby" off to school for the first time. He was SOOO scared of the schoolbus this morning. He was not expecting that big, yellow bus. He usually goes to school in a van. I had to pry his hands off the rails and almost carry him up the stairs. There was a nice lady waiting for him at the top, and 2 of his classmates were already there, too.

I just called and spoke to the special ed. director at the school. She had just checked on him. She said he walked into the classroom, put away his stuff and sat down at his table with the others. The district special ed. director also stopped in to check on him, and said he was doing "exactly what he was supposed to be doing". So, they tell me he is fine and participating in everything. Okay, deep breath...now maybe I can get something done with the other kids before he gets home.:)

Busted

Meet the newest SpongeBob fan. Today, Andreas watched SpongeBob with the kids for the first time. I was hoping he wouldn't LOVE it like they do. At the same time, my wonderful friend, Carol was shopping for new pj's for Little Man. Look what she picked out. He took one look, and begged to wear them to bed for naptime. Looks like I've lost another one to the little yellow sponge in the brown pants.

What I wish you could have seen and heard was the joy in his voice as he ran down the hall after naptime shouting, "Tere! Tere! Tere!". It was the first time we have heard it since leaving our apartment in Estonia. He is such a ham,too. Look at the pose he struck when he saw the camera.:) It is wonderful to see him so happy again!!

Progress

Look who is sharing his space with Shyla!:) She is only about 2 feet away from him. He wasn't even looking at her until I snapped the picture. Isn't he handsome in his Sunday clothes.






All 5 Crawford kids. I am such a blessed Mom.